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The following advice was given by Superintendent Patricia Hamamoto in the Sunday, September 9, 2007 Honolulu-Advertiser
End bullying
By Patricia Hamamoto
Q. My 9th-grade son says he's being bullied in school. What should I do? And should I approach the school about the problem?
A. It's critical that you first listen carefully to your son's account of what happened. Then ask him how you can help. Also let him know that you'll contact the school. Many children don't want parents to report their being bullied for fear of retaliation. But assure your child that you will insist that the school take measures to ensure his safety.
Next, approach the school administration and give them any facts your son has shared with you — names of the bully or bullies, location, time of day, a desciption of the situation, witnesses, what your son thinks started the bullying behavior, for example. The more facts you provide the school, the better. And don't leave the conversation with the school without knowing when the school will report back to you on the actions they will take to support your son and take care of the bully or bullies. If the bully is an adult, it's even more important that you insist that the school take measures to protect your son as well as other students.
Also, if you know the parents of the bully, you may want to have a conversation with them and go over what has been happening. Often, parents of a bully aren't aware of their child's behavior and appreciate knowing first what's happening. It will also give them an opportunity to reconnect with their child. On the other hand, if you don't know the parents of the bully, then ask the school to arrange a meeting so that you and the parents of the bully can get together. Parents working with parents get issues resolved, make a world of difference and send a powerful message to their children.
Patricia Hamamoto has been an educator for 40 years in K-12 schools, is state schools superintendent and, she says, mother of a "daughter who was raised to be independent and is now a free spirit." The Ask the Experts column is for general information and is not intended to provide medical advice.
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